I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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