tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
