I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
