he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
