your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
