ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
3 2 1 whiskey
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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