is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
