shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
