last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
