this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
