all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
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