Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
