Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Randomize
