i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
