What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
