Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
