I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm like, not good at living.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
