first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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