My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
