We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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