i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
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