So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
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