one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I'm eating all of the evidence.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
