Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Michael Bay diarrhea
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize
