Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
