How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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