Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
