my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
