any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.