I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
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