I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
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just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
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