i just sent this text using only my big toe
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dignity is for republicans.
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Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
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hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is