If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?