she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
