you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
