just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
