Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
