She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
