the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
