sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
