My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
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