Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Randomize
