At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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