if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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