I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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