there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
