So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
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I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
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And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
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