last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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