You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
