are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
