Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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