Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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