i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
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