Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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