I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
