matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
