Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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