The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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