Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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