2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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