you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
