I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
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