I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
