and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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