I wanna bring you to show and tell
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
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