Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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