forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
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Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
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I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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