oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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