Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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